


Life is a Box Full of Garbage, but at Least I Have You by My Side

by Tea_and_Nightmarescapes (Anxious_Trickster)



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Brotherly Bonding, Crying, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Good Brother Klaus Hargreeves, Homelessness, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Mild Sexual Content, Swearing, dumpster diving, in the form of silly conversations, no beta we die like men, they actually hug each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 00:31:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19983091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anxious_Trickster/pseuds/Tea_and_Nightmarescapes
Summary: A look into Klaus and Ben’s dumpster dives through out the years.Featuring: bone-deep despair, fast food mascots, pink sweaters, red books, and brotherly love





	Life is a Box Full of Garbage, but at Least I Have You by My Side

**Author's Note:**

> This fic starts off in angst hell, but quickly drives it’s way to fluff city. I just love these two idiots too much  
> 
> 
> Enjoy.

**Klaus: 16 years old**

**Ben: 16 years old**

It doesn’t take long on the streets to learn a few things. 

For instance, Klaus learned quickly that homeless shelters can be dangerous, and might kick you out for a myriad of reasons, like overcrowding or because you're wearing a skirt. The YMCA charges 40 dollars for the privilege to use their showers, and places of business require you to buy like a 10 dollar cup of coffee in order to use their bathroom. So, your best bet is to frequent motels as often as you can, because at least they come with warm water, a place to stay, and breakfast food. 

Right now, Klaus is not staying at a motel. Earlier, he spent the last of his money on drugs, too desperate at the time to care about where he would spend the night. 

So instead of relaxing on broken bed spring, flickering through the channels on a tiny TV, Klaus is spending the night digging through a dumpster for something to eat or anything approaching valuable. Night has fallen and he’s hungry, but he has yet to find anything. Tears spring to his eyes from frustration, and despair at the hopelessness of it all. 

Then, it starts raining. It _fucking_ starts raining, he can’t believe it. Klaus starts digging with an intensity through the mush and dangerously sharp soda cans. He’s wet, he’s cold, and he has nowhere to sleep. He can’t find anything, he can’t find anything, it’s just all garbage.

Klaus’s arms go limp at his sides, as all the fight leaves him at once. He starts to sob, and doesn’t stop for a long while. He cries, wishing for a home he could go back to.

Ben stands off to the side silently, and stares into the night with glazed eyes. He offers no comfort, too fresh off his death to offer much of anything to anyone.

**Klaus: 25 years old**

**Ben: 16 years old**

“Are you even going to find anything? Trash is trash, Klaus.”

“Yeah, but this dumpster is in a rich neighborhood, they always throw away the goodies.”

Klaus lifts up the lid and is presumably meet with the stench of petrichor and rotten food, if his scrunched up face is any indication. Not that Ben can smell anything. He gives Ben a little salute before beginning to climb in.

“Wouldn’t it be funny if Allison is eating caviar, like right now, in fuck all LA? The contrast would be positively cinematic.” Klaus says, his light tone failing to cover his bitterness. 

_“Klaus.”_ Ben admonishes. 

Klaus waves his hand dismissively, contradicting the chastised look on his face. 

The ease of their previous exchange bleeds into a stiff tension, neither party knowing exactly what to say.

“Okay, so Fuck Marry Kill: Ronald McDonald, The Wendy’s girl, or the old man from KFC?” Klaus asks, apparently tired of the silence. 

Ben mulls that over for a moment. 

“I would fuck Ronald McDonald.”

_“What?!”_

“You heard me.”

“You lead with _fuck_ Ronald McDonald? You really are a sick bastard, you know that?”

Ben shrugs his shoulders, not really caring. Resisting embarrassment has gotten much easier since his death.

“Dare I ask why?” asks Klaus, in over exaggerated anticipatory dread.

“Because I would want to spend as little time with him as possible.”

“Then why not kill him?”

“Clowns are unkillable.”

“You got me there.”

They fall into a comfortable conversational lull as Klaus continues to rummage through the garbage.

Ben taps his finger against his jaw. “I’d marry the Wendy’s girl because she seems nice enough, and I’d kill the KFC guy for his likely right-wing views.”

“Jesus Christ. Okay me next, I’d fuck the KFC guy.”

“Ew, _why?_ ”

“I know a silver fox when I see one, _Ben_. Plus, some free chicken sounds pretty good right about now. I’m not above fucking for some chicken. I’d do it all day long, I’d fuck my way all the way to the top.”

“Fine, who would you kill?”

“The Wendy’s girl.”

_“Klaus, how could you?”_

“She just seems too sweet, okay? Completely unrelatable. Besides, a light that shines too brightly is bound to be extinguished.”

“Dark.”

“ _C'est la vie_.” 

“Wait, so that means you would marry _Ronald McDonald_? And you were giving me shit earlier too. Unbelievable.”

Klaus shrugs his shoulders, not unlike Ben had.

Ben mimics Klaus’s tone from before, “Dare I ask why?”

“The amount street cred I would get with a burger husband would be inconceivable. Can you even imagine me rolling up to the academy with my new clown daddy-”

_“Clown daddy?”_

“-and introducing him to the family? Like, ‘Dad, Luther, meet my newly betrothed, Ronald McDonald.’”

Ben doubles over laughing, picturing the confused and indignant looks on each of their faces in this bizarre scenario. If he had lungs he would be gasping for breath. It probably wasn’t all that funny, but in this moment it felt like the funniest thing on the planet.

Klaus beams at the positive reception of his joke.

Ben’s chest clenches. Klaus is so desperate for genuine positive regard, and it’s been a good day but they don’t have many of those, and sometimes Klaus ignores him for days, and Ben can’t do anything, and-

“Oh my god, is this cashmere?!”

Klaus lifts up a soiled pink sweater.

“Veto.”

“But _Beeeen_.”

“ _Veto_ _Klaus,_ that’s gross as hell.”

“But cashmere-”

“No, put it back.”

“ _You can’t make me_.”

**Klaus: 28 years old**

**Ben: 16 years old**

Klaus searches through a dumpster that aligns the Academy’s alley, looking for a large red book that he couldn’t have known would be instrumental in ending the world. 

Ben chills on the fire escape bored out of mind. Five comes around as curmudgeon as ever and Klaus eats a weird trash bagel, so there’s that at least.

**Klaus: 29 years old**

**Ben: ?**

“Ben!”

“Beeeeeeeen!”

“Ben!”

Klaus runs downs the Academy alley. 

“Ben? _Ben!_ Where on earth have you been?” Klaus skids to a halt 

“In the trash.” answers Ben despondently from the trash.

“Why’re you in the trash, man?” Klaus squints up at the dumpster.

Ben shrugs vaguely, not looking Klaus in the eye.

Klaus sighs, “Now that just won’t do.”

Klaus climbs into the dumpster with him, situating his long legs into the criss-cross-applesauce position on a moist trash bag. Ben shakes his head, only Klaus. 

Ben rings his hands, noticing distantly his fingers turning white from the pressure. 

“Hey hey, stop that.” Klaus says softly, pulling Ben’s hands into his own. Klaus has always had a compassionate streak, but sober Klaus is so much kinder. 

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s stupid.”

“Is it as stupid as the time that I passed out naked in a pile of whipped cream? Or the time that I set my hair on fire? Or the time that I-”

“Okay okay, I get it.”

“For real though, you can talk to me Ben.”

“The others are going to hate me.”

“That’s ridiculous,” seeing Ben shrink into himself at that, Klaus quickly backtracks, “I mean, why do you think that?”

“I accidentally threw away Diego’s black turtleneck.”

Klaus bursts out laughing, not expecting such a simple answer. “How?”

“I thought it was an old gross rag or something.”

Klaus laughs harder.

“It’s not funny! You know how Diego gets about his stuff! He gets super mad and he’s going to _yell at me_ , and I don’t want to deal with all that. So now I’m looking for it, in the trash, but I can't find it.”

“Yeah, Diego would have probably done that, back when we were _kids_. Sure he can be a dick sometimes, but things are different now. Anyway, I doubt anyone is going to yell at you, they’re all just too happy to see you alive again. I bet you could _burn_ all of his clothes while making direct eye contact with him, and he would give you a hug afterwards. Honestly? If it were me, I would milk it for all it’s worth.”

“But I’m going to keep messing up, and the novelty of my resurrection will wear off, and they’re going to get tired of me”

“That is completely untrue.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you're Ben.”

They sit in silence for a moment.

“Also, I object to the premise that you messed up!” Klaus starts suddenly, “From the sound of it, you did Diego, and God herself, a goddamn favor.” Ben cracks a smile at that.

Ben and Klaus climb gingerly out of the dumpster, as not to cut themselves on broken glass. As soon as they hit the pavement, Klaus spins around, holding his arms out wide. 

“Now it’s time to give your favorite brother a big huggie-wuggie.” He says with a pout. 

“I’m covered in garbage sweat,”.

“Hey, my _middle name_ is garbage sweat”

At that, Ben allows Klaus to pull him into a hug. They stay like that for a while, and Ben lets go of a long exhale. Klaus claps him on the shoulder and they start to head back inside.

Suddenly struck with an idea, Klaus claps his hands together in excitement. 

“Oh my God, my middle name could actually be Garbage Sweat.”

“Huh?” Ben’s brain takes a moment to recalibrate. 

“We don’t have middle names Ben! They could be anything! The sky’s the limit!”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“In honor of this blessed day, I hereby take upon the title, ‘Garbage Sweat’. Klaus ‘Garbage Sweat’ Hargreeves, that’s me.” He proclaims with faux seriousness.

“No way.” Ben laughs breathlessly.

“Yes way.”

“Does that mean I can be Ben 'Silver Tongue’ Hargreeves then?”

“Awww, why do you get the sexy middle name?”

“If you wanted a sexy middle name you could have picked one, dumbass.”

“And now you’re bullying on me? Is this the thanks I get? _This is going to be the last nice thing I do for anybody ever_.” He gasps dramatically.

Ben smacks Klaus on the back of the head, and life carries on.

**Author's Note:**

> And with that, the spooky duo rode off into the sunset to live happily ever after.
> 
> What did y'all think?


End file.
